Battle the forces of illuminaughti1 since 1980

The night before: perform the appropriate sacrifices. According to the Golden Bough; chickens are good, but three day old tofu is better.

1 hour before: Run around the house screaming.

50 minutes before: Take a shower, you probably haven't showered in a couple of days. Brush your hair. Moisturize.


40 minutes before: Put on clothes. Not nice interview clothes, but clothes you would wear outside the house.

30 minutes before: Cry. Pace.

20 minutes before: Gather notebook, pen, glass of water

10 minutes before: Open corporate website, your resume, and other notes you may have on your computer. CLOSE THE GROUPTHINK WINDOW!

5 minutes before: Remember to charge your phone and turn on the ringer.

4 minutes before: Pray to whatever deity or empty void you believe in or not.

3 minutes before: Plead with dogs to stop barking.

2 minutes before: Panic, run around screaming

1 minute before: Take deep breaths and remember that you are still awesome even if you aren't employable.

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